If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize