If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
