oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
