You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
