I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
