All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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