i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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