I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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