I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
