there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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