True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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