I just made out with a guy for $7.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize