did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
