Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
