i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
