okay pat passed out under dana's car
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
