just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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