My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We left the knife in your bed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize