Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
