Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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