there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
