i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
