Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
