Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
