you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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