There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
