P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
