Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
