all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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