I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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