nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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