some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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