so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
