he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize