GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
