One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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