Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
