hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
