I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you traded sex for a burrito?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
