i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize