I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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