So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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