One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
