fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
