Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
