She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
