Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
