cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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