So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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