Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
