I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
