I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
