I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
