Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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