so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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