Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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