You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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