Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
