Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
