are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
