On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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