I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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