Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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