First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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