i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it's like heaven, but drunker
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
