The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Please don't give away my fajitas
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