from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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