just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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