belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
