I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
