I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
