I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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