I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
