he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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