we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
