i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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