Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
