I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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