Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
