I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
