On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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