My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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