Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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