We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
