I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
