dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
