I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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