Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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