Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
