im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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