wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
