just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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