Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
