her vagine was all disorganized.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
