I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
