mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
