i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
