I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
