It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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